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Dealing with breakup

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Dealing with breakup

april 27 2022 - 12:45
I've recently broken up with someone I loved and was best friends with for more than 5 years. The relationship ended on bad terms with my ex getting hurt a lot. We had originally planned to stay best friends if we ever broke up but the way it ended has left even us staying friends a big question. Some of the things he said in anger at the end really hurt and are in line with someone who would completely trash talk the other person if they refused to sleep with them.

While I've moved on and in a happier and much healthier relationship, the loss of a former best friend and the harsh words my ex has said still play on my mind.

Any advice on dealing with this?

Time heals all wounds

mai 3 2022 - 10:04
The most overused cliche in the world (and what helps the least to hear) is actually true, or at least that's what I have found. Heals, but not necessarily removes.

If it is any comfort, he probably said what he said because he was hurt, and insults and trash talk was his (desperate and destructive) way of expressing his sadness and anger.

As someone who has been on his end of similar situations too many times, this is my advice: it could very well be that the best for you both is to cut all contact completely, at least for a few months or a couple of years minimum. You might still need him as a friend, but he might need *even more* to abandon all lingering hopes of you getting back together.

How to handle your ex?

mai 4 2022 - 10:46
Thank you for your advice. I'm sorry to hear that you've been on his end of such situations.
Something that strikes me odd in my ex's case is that he'd never come across as the one who would say such things to me. Moreover, during the 5 years, we were together, he generally had the upper hand in controlling the narrative and I was the one who was waiting if he wanted to take things forward. I feel on some level he took my presence for granted. On top of this, the one time I took total control, I ended the relationship. Given the trash talk, I'm not sure if I even want to see him as a friend anymore or do I try to talk things through for healing? Do people even remain friends with their ex?


mai 4 2022 - 11:08
I don't have the stats, and you will unfortunately only know what would have been the best strategy for the both of you many years from now. I can only say ex-friendship is too painful for me.

My instinct is that in any case, a long contact break until things have cooled down might be a good idea. Hard to heal stuff when there are open wounds.

The Road Ahead

mai 4 2022 - 18:47
Thank you for your insights. I have noticed that my ex has not been initiating interaction from his side. I feel you are right that a break is a good idea. Might be good for both of us. I hope the wounds do heal.
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