I feel like i’m drowning, but you can’t see that. Sometimes i imagine that even if i cried right in front of your eyes you wouldn’t be able to see the pain inside. There’s no denying i don’t belong here with you, perhaps i don’t really belong anywhere. You can’t understand what i’m going through without living inside my head. That’s where most of my illness plays out. Or maybe it’s not an illness, maybe it’s just me. There’s so much hate in here. I’m afraid if you knew you would turn away in dismay or even fear. The way i see it i’m no threat to anyone but myself. It’s just that i can’t take it anymore. Everytime i look in the mirror, i want to cry, or yell or hurt. Because that girl is not who i am supposed to be, she comes nowhere near the standards i demand of myself.
Why do i look this way!? Why can’t i just be pretty and lovable like everybody else. Because i’m really good at seeing the beauty in others, in everything around me. How come I can’t apply that very same investment and kindness to myself?
When i look in the mirror there is none of that. All i can see are faults and flaws; ugliness through and through. I cover at the sight of myself, and that’s no way to live. For if there is one thing i can never rid myself of, then it’s me. I’ll never be able to live without me, and then i simply don’t want to live at all.

"I’m afraid if you knew you would turn away in dismay or even fear."

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"How come I can’t apply that very same investment and kindness to myself?"

Fordi du erkjenner ikke hvorfor du har verdi. Men basert på det du skriver om deg selv her, så kan jeg love deg at du faktisk har det!