I feel I am not enough
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I feel I am not enough
nov 7 2019 - 13:54
well, the title explains the post itself.
I don't feel I am enough in nothing and I feel that life it is always challenging for me because I have to reach the level of others and always prove people I am worthy enough. and in combination with this, I always take thing personally.
I am not tall enough, so if people accidentally hurt me (and in Norway it happen daily), it is my fault that I am short.
I did't do my PhD here, but abroad, so I can't be enough in the place in which I work, and they don't hide it, and than I took it personally and I think I should change career since I am not enough.
I am not too sexy, I am not enough to have a partner.
I am not even too ugly, so I can have surgery.
all this thoughts, are destroying my interests. I see like a black stain that before was small, and now it is growing, it reached my interests, I don't go anymore to do the activities I use to do, because I don't see the point anymore. it reached my humor, and I can't laugh anymore at any joke because I think somehow people has done that joke just to passively say something bad to me.
I am taking day off from work more often, and I think I could use some help....how?where?
nov 7 2019 - 17:48
nov 9 2019 - 08:08
You ask for direct advice for where to get help. Depending on where you live, there might be some social services available. But you should google it. Mental Helse (Mental Health) do have some offices around in Norway, and as far as i understand, they are open for general conversations for anyone that needs it. I wish i had the courage and confidence to ask for help there myself, but i just have not gotten to that point yet. Too busy with other things yet.
I feel you are being unfair to yourself. But i do not blame you. You write about things such as not feeling good enough, not feeling sexy enough, not tall enough. All these are just stigmatized ailments. They may be things you value, but you can choose not to give them so much value. And people that value looks and physical qualities over inner strength, devotion to your work, trust and a good heart, i feel one should not pay too much attention to. But again, if one is forced to be around such people, maybe through family, carreer or other social functions, i do agree it is a difficult scenario.
Even still, i would like to suggest you become more assertive. Do not -let- anyone tell you or make you thing that you have to "prove yourself". Respect is a two-way thing. Others must also prove themselves to YOU! And not only in results on paper, but as a team member! If the case is that you do not "produce" (i hate uising that word) the same results as they do, well, then they should help you become better, not make you feel like you have to prove yourself to them. So it may feel like you are in a hostile work environment, although i hope that is not the case. It is the fate of many. And leadership usually are too ignorant to think ethics, just think results.
Good hearted people like you should have good hearted people around you, that support and nurture. Do you have a family? Any friends to talk to for support? I have not always taken it too seriously myself, but having a good friend or even a good support network of people is not a bad thing. But inner strength is also equally important. Feeling like you are in charge of your life, because you ultimately are. You are the leader in your life. So you really do not have the option to waver and lose confidence. I write this to you as a friend.
I wish you a truly good day and hope better thoughts come to you :) Try to find some cheap and free social activities, just sit on a bench in town and watch people pass, it can bring back some good feelings to you. Maybe go to the swimming hall if you have it, being in warm water is nurturing to the soul. Make a good and hearty meal, change your bedsheets and make sure you sleep long and properly.
I will check back and answer when the time is right, if you want me to though :) Wish you all the best and good energies until next time!