Can´t you see? I want to be you

I wanted to kill myself
I wanted to hurt myself
I wanted to be liked by people
I wanted to be accepted
I wanted to have that one friend who is always by your side
I wanted people to see me
I wanted to look at myself and say ´´today is going to be a good day´´
But I didn´t want to be someone I wasn´t

I cried
I didn´t sleep
I bled
I starved myself
I didn´t go to school
I was scared all the time
I could try to make the pain go away in every possible way
I even tried to take my life at one point

But I decided to be happy, and it worked. For almost a month. But then I realized that this, this illness, is stuck with me, it had become a part of me. It was buried so deep, then it wouldn´t let go. It is hard for people to understand just how painful, how breath-taking, how scary and emotional it is. And just how long you can go with a smile on your face before you break down.

-Sunnyandrainydays